I'm going back on book tour!!!
Announcing three new cities.
Weekly Q&A:
Q: How do you know when to cut your losses on a creative project and start something new?
A: I think figuring this out is not unlike determining whether or not to break up with a romantic partner. Have you not felt inspired by the project in quite a while and are only continuing it because of the time you’ve already invested? Are people whose opinions you trust able to offer feedback that feels like it could help you re-invigorate the project or otherwise make it work? Or do you get the feeling that there really might not be an audience for this piece, after all? Is there some mysterious intuitive voice inside you saying to put the project aside, or repurpose bits of it for something new, or maybe just return to it a later time? Creating a pros and cons list could be helpful, as silly as that sounds! Regardless, I truly don’t think a piece of art is a failure just because it isn’t seen to completion.
Oprah Daily excerpted Chapter 3 of TAOMO.
This is a story about the most irrational thing I’ve ever done. It’s also an attempt to make sense of it, even forgive it. Much has been written in the areas of psychology and self-help seeking to explain the truly unhinged behavioral patterns humans exhibit in defense of their romantic relationships, including and especially the horrible ones. Partnerships can be pure misery, and still, many of us are practically allergic to ending them. By way of explanation, there’s talk of trauma and cycles of abuse. There’s talk of destroyed self-esteem and fear of retaliation. Then, among behavioral economists, there’s talk of the sunk cost fallacy: the deeply ingrained conviction that spending resources you can’t get back—money and time but also emotional resources, like secrets and hope—justifies spending even more. It is this explanation that jigsaw-clicked into place what I was never able to understand about my choice to stay in a relationship that caused me great suffering for seven of my formative years.
I got to know the man two months after my 18th birthday and two months before graduation. “The man,” meaning my long-term ex, the older one whose name I avoid mentioning if I can help it. I’ve tried coming up with code names for him, partially for his anonymity but also because saying the real one still makes me queasy. My nerves remember the assortment of vowels and consonants, the stress they carried. A pseudonym tricks the body. A few years ago, I settled on the alias “Mr. Backpack,” partially because he was obsessed with hiking, but also because the label feels neutral and nonthreatening, like a side character in a children’s TV show. Symbolically it also tracks, because our relationship still weighs on my shoulders, and I look forward to the day I can finally take a load off, untie my boots, and have a chortle about the time I almost tripped and fell off an emotional cliff.
Bay Area residents, I hope to see you at the Mill Valley Library on June 11!
It’s a free event! Looks like registration is currently full, but if you sign up for the waitlist, I bet there’s a good chance some spots will open up!
Save the dates!! I’m going back out on tour and will be coming to Chicago, Minneapolis, and Seattle :)
Tickets will be available this week!!!! I’ll send an email as soon as they are, but wanted to let you know to save the dates in case you’re near one of these towns.
July 12: The Big Magical Cult Show at Park West in Chicago
July 13: The Big Magical Cult Show at Cedar Cultural Center in Minneapolis
July 29: The Age of Magical Overthinking book talk at Elliott Bay Book Company in Seattle
Glossier is this week’s Sounds Like A Cult topic.
Time to Milk Jelly™ cleanse your souls, culties. If you were alive in 2017, and anywhere near my same millennial pink corner of the internet, then you KNEW what a Glossier girl was. The emblem of relatable-but-aspirational coolness helmed by cult leader… ahem, I mean, CEO… Emily Weiss (of The Hills fame) was so much more than a cosmetics line. Glossier was a lifestyle, a uniform, an identity template, a cultural phenomenon, a religion? I mean, those pink bubble wrap pouches??? If you had one, it meant you’d reached a certain kind of enlightenment. Alongside the likes of other rare brands like Starbucks and SoulCycle, Glossier was a ”cult-followed” company through in through… but was something more sinister lurking underneath? Why did the brand take off as astronomically as it did? And what is the status of the “cult” now? At long last, I’m (over)analyzing the spiritual movement that is Glossier with none other than beauty journalist Marisa Meltzer, author of the New York Times bestselling book Glossy: Ambition, Beauty, and the Inside Story of Emily Weiss's Glossier. The episode drops tomorrow!
BOOK: Real Americans
Last week, I saw Rachel Khong on book tour in LA, where she spoke with great warmth and thoughtfulness about her brand new, extremely critically acclaimed, instant NYT-bestselling novel, Real Americans. It’s a multigenerational tale of ambition, class, race, identity and belonging that’s divided into three sections, telling the story from the perspective of three different characters. Rachel said she spent seven years writing the book and even just a few pages in, her rigor and care with language are highly evident!
TV: GIRLS
I’m rewatching it. And weirdly so are a bunch of people I know?? By random coincidence?? Dude, I have to say, this show is a fucking DELIGHT 10 years after the fact. I am so enjoying its absurdity and chaos. Anyone else dip back into this show recently? Fascinating to hear your takes.
BEVERAGE: De Soi
I partook in one of these bougie mocktails over the weekend and must admit, I loved it. Even better than the complex taste is the texture. It’s “heavy” the way that booze it. A delight for those who want a special drink with no alcohol in it!
UNNECESSARY PURCHASE: Thought Spiral notebook
How fun is this punny little notebook? It’s from my new merch line :) I so hope you consider checking out the line! There are hats and tees and things, as well.
